The President’s campaign to ‘Make Kona Great Again’ has been met with derision from the political sphere, with insiders puzzled as to how the POTUS will cope with the demands of training for a 2.4 mile sea swim, 112 mile cycle and 26.2 mile marathon run with no previous experience of racing endurance events, while simultaneously governing the United States.
Morgan Biers, supposedly a close personal friend of Mr. Trump, commented: “They say that transition is triathlon’s fourth discipline… but for my pal Donald being in charge of the world’s largest economic superpower surely has to count as a fifth. If anyone can do it though, *blushes*… the President can!”
As entry to the World Championships is by qualification only, it is currently unclear how the President managed to secure his entry. Rumours that Mr. Trump actually travelled to one of Ironman’s new 70.3 races in China to qualify were dismissed as “fake news” by the President himself, via a caps-locked Twitter post.
According to an insider President Trump is confident of clinching another surprise victory in the 70-74 age category on the Big Island, although he has secretly expressed concerns about hitting the wall.
Triathlonologist Timmy Tri said: “Pulling off one of the biggest shocks in modern political history counts for nothing when you’re 18 miles into a sweltering hot marathon at one of the world’s toughest endurance events. The President needs to ensure he stays on top of his nutrition and hydration, keeping a nice steady pace throughout… if he does hit that wall he’s definitely going to be paying for it.”