I don’t generally hand out tips to eager triathletes like a zookeeper feeding sprats to barking seals. But I thought I’d try to pass on some post-race wisdom. So, while at first glimpse this particular column might look like a load of drivel, look more closely and... no, you were right first time. Below, though, are a few of the truth-stretching justifications I’ve heard – and come out with myself – after races so that you can recognise tosh when you hear it.
1. I finished in the top 20 in my age-group
finished 19th in my age-group (out of 23) and 347th overall
2. (For the over 50s) I finished second in my age-group
There were two in my age-group
3. Conditions were much harder than last year
I was slower than last year
4. I was fifth fastest on the bike
I am crap at running
5. I was third finisher from my club
I finished 347th overall
6. I’ve been struggling with a cold all week
I haven’t trained hard enough
12 of the best race-day excuses
7. I overtook loads of people on the run
I didn’t try hard enough on the bike
8. There were a lot of former elites racing as age-groupers and those in the armed forces are basically full-time athletes
I didn’t qualify
9. If I’d been 18 months older, I’d have finished in the top three in my age-group
I didn’t qualify
10. I did a course PB
I’ve never raced here before
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