I came last in a multisport race – and still ended up on the winners’ podium. Here’s why I love the Polkerris Aquathlon

It’s a spookily cold and grey day at the start of May. Jogging the short distance along the beach, I’m suffering from an attack of the collywobbles. It strikes me that this is an unusual word for my brain to have struck upon. Collywobbles.

For those not from the north of England, this is better explained as jitters, nerves, or feeling a bit, well, apprehensive. My other half, Gavin, is standing on the sand, clutching a steaming coffee, dressed in a big coat, a woolly hat and my Dryrobe and gives me a perturbed look. Someone shakes a pot of jelly babies under my nose and facing the inevitable, I turn and run back into the cold sea.

Yes, unfortunately for me, this attack of nerves hit midway through the swim leg of the Polkerris Aquathlon, a fun start of season shakedown event organised by Cornwall’s Mad Hatters. The race comprises a 1,500m swim broken down into three 500m legs, each with an ‘Australian exit’ where you exit the water, sprint along the beach and dive back in. Following this there’s a simple out-and-back 6km run along the coastal path to the nearby Par Sands.

Back on beautiful Polkerris beach in 2026 after a change of owners at the shop/café allowed beach access after a hiatus of a couple of years, it’s a brilliant and friendly setting for a race. Less brilliant and friendly is the early-May weather. The air is chilly and the water and sky are the same colour, a kind of pale grey which creates a spookily liminal lack of distinction. Water temperature is hovering just above 11°C, or “very chilly, Helen” if you ask the forever-chipper race director, John Yelland (ok he may not have used the word ‘very’, but this is a nice family website).

Layering up

The good news about the chilly water is that this means gloves are off (or on) when it comes to kit. I’ve decided on my trusty Zone3 Aspire wetsuit as it’s flexible and easy to swim in and to take off in transition. I’ve added a neoprene cap because I hate ice-cream-head and a set of neoprene boots to keep my feet warm and also, to mean there’s less sand to wash off in transition. I decide against gloves in favour of feel for the water.

Transition is a simple line against the sea wall where I set up my run shoes, a towel and a washing up bowl of fresh water to rinse my feet in. There’s a simplicity about aquathlon which I love – it’s fast and furious multisport without the faff of a bike being involved. I sometimes think it doesn’t get the love it deserves but equally, I recognise I’m an oddity as I prefer the swim and run to the bike!

The swim starts with a couple of minutes to acclimatise to the cold water, then it’s back to the beach for a mass start. There are some fast swimmers and youthful types in the mix and I’m not here to be competitive, so I hang back and let the chaos go before starting my own swim. I’m coming back from injury so I’m here very much for a good time, not a fast time.

Lap one of the swim passes without incident. The water is fresh but clear and I draft some quicker swimmers which means it speeds by. Lap two I start to wonder if a thicker wetsuit might have been wise, as the cold starts to creep into my bones. By the end and that second jog along the beach, I have to take that moment to do a little sense check. Deciding I’m cold but not worryingly cold and that I do have another lap in me, I politely decline the jelly babies and dive back in.

Lap three is a bit wobbly. I’ve slowed down and turning the second marker buoy, a flock of seagulls start to wheel around me and dive bomb the water. Now I’ve got form here after an attack of hypothermia in an ÖtillÖ race many years ago where I saw flying things that weren’t there (albeit they were fairies, not seagulls…) so I start to question if they are real seagulls. Handily that occupies my mind as the beach comes closer and finally I’m in transition, pulling off my wetsuit and pulling on my run shoes. Phew.

Bimbling uphill

The run offers a welcome way to warm up. I’m babysitting a dodgy knee so I bimble rather than speed to the edge of the beach and the coastal path, which shoots vertically up a long row of steps. I can only walk here and my progress is further hampered by the race leaders looping back down – all I can do is step aside and cheer them on as they barrel past me.

Once at the top the sun peeks through though and jogging along above the sea, taking in the beautiful views means I warm up quickly and realise I’m grinning as I enjoy being back out doing what I love. The race marshals are cheery and friendly and the many Sunday morning dog walkers wave and clap as I run past.

The run is a mix of coastal path and sand dunes and the out and back course is basically a loop up and down a big hill and repeat. Coming back down the steep steps into Polkerris the run feels like it is over way too soon – maybe I had more in me after all?

The race team are at the finish with a typical Mad Hatters welcome. Most people get a high five at the finish but I’ve done so many of this crew’s races that poor John Yelland knows to expect a soggy, sweaty hug instead. How many race directors greet every finisher at the line? It’s just one of the things that makes these events special.

On the podium

There’s one final special (and surprising!) moment for me. At the prize giving there’s an award for the ‘most racing’ – or in other words the athlete who spent the longest on the course – and my name is called out. I’m a bit confused at first. Sure, I let a couple of runners pass me, but there were more behind me?

It turns out that a few folk (probably wisely) found the chilly water of the sea too much and opted to either cut the race short or miss the run leg in favour of warm layers and a big slice of cake. I don’t blame them either, but I’m chuffed to get a round of applause and a very nice Red Equipment coffee flask as my prize. Maybe there are advantages to being a plodder!

As a final note to a great early season morning out – as I sit on the beach after the race I noticed a large flock of seagulls whirling around just out to sea. Turns out they were real, after all…

How to race the Polkerris Aquathlon

STAY THERE

We took our campervan and stayed at the fantastic East Crinnis campsite which is a lovely spot in walking distance from nearby Charlestown. They also have glamping options if you don’t own a van or tent.

WHERE TO EAT

There are a few options on the beach at Polkerris. We had coffee and cake from the Polkerris beach hut and then lunch at Sam’s On The Beach next door.

ENTER

The Mad Hatters offer a range of swim, swimrun and multisport events throughout the year as well as free weekly social swims in the St Austell area of Cornwall. Find out more at their website here.