All the gear…but no idea where to put it
Experienced triathlete Martyn definitely has all the gear, but as to where he’s put it? Definitely no idea!
There are many things which make triathlon stand out from other sports – all-round fitness, multi-discipline skills, the overall handsomeness of its participants etc – but one of the biggest is the sheer amount of kit we need.
Swimming, for example, requires nothing more than a hat, some goggles, and a costume of your preferred skimpiness, while as an occasional distance runner I’m well-aware that I can roll up to most events with little more than a flapjack and a fiver. However, just spend a moment thinking about the sheer amount of ‘stuff’ you need for tri:
Wetsuit, goggles, neck-rub, towel, tri-suit, bike, track pump, aero bars, helmet, glasses, bike shoes, race belt, gels, bars, bottles, running shoes, cap, socks (yes socks, don’t judge me), lock-laces, Weekend Warrior chest-brag t-shirt and dry clobber to change into – and more.
This is on my mind just now because I have just embarked on my annual game of “where is all my ****** kit”, as I start to assemble my bits and bobs for the first race of the season. I’m sure you, dear reader, are organised in the way you go about cleaning and storing your kit during the off-season, making sure that you can readily lay your hands on everything you need. I always try to be orderly, but alas I never quite succeed, because whenever I come back from my last race I am inevitably knackered and can’t be bothered to sort it all out, so it gets slung in the corner of the garage to be sorted another day – and “another day” generally turns out to be the following spring.
This approach is not without its hazards. For example I have just opened a draw-string bag which contained a rolled-up swim hat, some congealed socks, a race-belt that lost its elasticity in 2011, some salt-caked calf-guards, two something that used to be a hat, and the smell which greeted me was so pungent I haven’t been able to blink in unison since.
Then there is the search for the things I thought were in the bag but which aren’t. Items I am currently unable to locate include my neck rub, open water goggles, lock-laces, all the CO2 canisters which I know I had at the end of last season because I had NO PUNCTURES, and my favourite tri towel from Ironman Lanzarote 2008 which I use to lay my kit on because it is bright orange and easy to see when you’re staggering around T1 looking for your bike (and yes, I realise my towel is now technically old enough to vote).
I’ve been applying Columbo-like detective skills to track down the goggles and neck rub, which I know I’ll find in the same place wherever the bloody hell that is, and I suspect the towel is lurking at the bottom of a large pile of un-ironed t-shirts which have been waiting for my attention since about Christmas. The canisters have probably been borrowed (stolen) by various cycling friends (thieves) when they come round to use my pedal spanner and bike stand because they’re too independent (cheap) to go to the bike shop, but the lost lock laces are especially galling because I know I must have taken them off to store them somewhere safe, and I genuinely can’t remember where!
With the first race of the season looming on the horizon, I now face a choice – hope to find it all (and hope that it is in a usable condition despite months of festering inattention) or start ordering some new stuff, which I am perfectly aware will arrive the same day that I miraculously find all the missing items. Or, I could, you know, just not be so lazy when I get back from my last race an actually put stuff away where I might be able to find it six months later.
Post-script: I have just found the neck rub. It was open and it has all dried up. The goggles were not with it. Sigh…
Martyn Brunt
220's back-page columnist 
